At peace

It has been a long road and sometimes it felt impossible but I am finally at peace with my family.  I have attempted several times to mend the chasm with my mom and siblings but it is not going to happen.  I finally have come to terms with that and fully given it to my heavenly father.  I have slept all the way through the night for a week without the terrible tossing, turning and pain that I have had for years.  I physically feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders.  It is an awesome feeling.  I did not realize how much I was trying to carry on my own.  It literally felt like some one came and lifted a very heavy pack off of my shoulders.  I did not know how good it could feel to let go.  I am so thankful for God choosing to love me and adopt me into His family.  I am so thankful for friends and pastors and counselors and my husband who have helped on my journey.  I have a wonderful family in God and who knows maybe someday there will be reconciliation, but for know I am happy to have what God has given me.  I am still learning so much about myself and my God who loves me unconditionally.  It is exciting and sometimes it is hard but I am truly enjoying the journey.  It looks as though it is impossible at times but as I trudge through and give it to God and then look back once it has been resolved it is so exciting.  I am truly running the race to reach the prize now instead of sitting on the side lines saying it is not for me or I can't do it.  I am in training in so many different ways.  I even have a dream or two that is starting to rise up in me again.  We will see where God leads me!  All I know is I am excited about what He has for me to do or not do.  I know there will be rough times but as long as I continue to give it to God I know that it will be well worth the long haul.  I am truly looking more longingly to my forever home in heaven with my big brother Jesus and my heavenly father God!  Can't wait!  God is so good!!!!!  I am truly at peace and I can truly feel it in my body.  My body feels relaxed for the first time in probably 30+ years. Peace it is so good!  God bless you all!