Well I have been rolling this around in my mind for a month now. I went to women's camp titled dancing on the battlefield with great expectations of dancing on the battlefield. I left asking God why am I not dancing on the battlefield. I wanted joy and physically to feel rejuvenated and literally dancing around. It did not happen the way I imagined it, but as I am driving down off the mountain and talking with God, He gently says you are dancing on the battlefield one little battle at a time. As I have had to give my desires to God to reconcile relationships with family and finally put God first, I realized I was dancing with Jesus on the battlefield, of my mind, of relationships. You see I still have the desire to reconcile but I have given it to God to work it out the way he wants. I have given up the ideal of how it will look and when it will happen if it ever does this side of heaven. I have apologized and made my desire of reconciliation known to my family but they are not ready yet. God will work all things out for good for those who trust in the Lord. I have had trust issues for years but am slowly learning to trust again and yes that includes my heavenly father. As I have surrendered my desires to God I have peace in my heart that God is in control. He cares what my desires are and He will fulfill them the way He needs to fulfill them. I truly do want reconciliation but I am totally at peace with where the situation is now. So I am free from the burden of the situation and am dancing on the battlefield. Satan lost again. He is really good and pointing at me and saying see you screwed up again, but as I learned in counseling, yes I have but God has forgiven me and loves me unconditionally. God is so good and so patient with me. I am amazed at His unconditional love for me. I am not God and it is a good thing. If I where God and watched me do what I do, I would have given up on me a long time ago.
I am learning something new weekly and sometimes daily that God is showing me. Just last week in church the story of Gideon, showed me how I can detain God unrespectfully (as if God could be detained) and how I question God! If I am not doing as God is asking me to do but am questioning and then asking for a sign to confirm that it is really God speaking, I can be dishonoring, disrespectful, questioning and disobeying God. Wow! This is a lot for this little brain to wrap around. I am trying to daily walk in the way God has laid out for me, but I am human and tend to start questioning and even going my own way because I think that I can do it better! Ya right! As I do this I am saying I do not trust you God and I will take care of myself. I am so thankful that God is continually showing me and leading me and not giving up on me. Yes it is hard work at times for me to give up my ideas and just obey but how freeing it is when I do. Life would be so much easier if I would just do as God wants me to do. We have been studying the names of God in the bible. Last week it was Jehovah Shalom which translates God our peace. Thank you Lord that you are our peace. Even after all that Gideon did and God waited for him to get over himself then Gideon realized that God is our peace. I have realized this in many situations. I just wish that I would remember this in the heat of the situation sometimes. I tend to look at the situation instead at Jehovah Shalom. The week before in church was the name Jehovah M'kaddesh which translates God who sanctifies. We are holy because God has made us holy if we are christian's, so become who you already are! You are holy! I am so enjoying this walk that I am walking right now. My heart is in a much better place now than it was just a couple of years ago. I have so far to go but I have come so far as well. God is so wonderful and I am longing more and more for the day that I will be with Him in heaven. Can't wait to dance with Jesus and worship God and look upon His face. I can't even imagine how glorious that day will be. I get so excited when I think about that. No more pain, no more suffering, no more hurts or hurting and disappointments. Just to be in God's presence forever! Are you as excited as I am, thinking about that?
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