early morning blues.....

I have not slept well in months and probably years.  Sure I get a good nights sleep here and there, but once in a great while is not enough.  This morning after tossing and turning all night I just get up with a heavy heart.  As I noted in my last post I have lost the wind in my sail.  I keep seeing a sail boat just going in a circle without its sail up to catch the wind.  I don't know if the sail is broke, damaged or if there is more than just the sail that needs help.  How do I get that sail back up where it needs to be to catch the wind and move on?  There is more and more family drama, car troubles that took a whole week out of our lives, long days at work and on and on.  I just need a vacation from life!  I know that everyone has there ups and downs.  There are just times that it feels like it is to much.  I know that God does not give us more than we can handle.  I know that I need to cling to God to get through the rough times.  I just wish we didn't have to go through this roller coaster ride of "feelings".  I think it would be much easier without that ride!  I am so ready to get the family drama done and move on.  I think I have moved on with the realization of the loss of my brother Leland, but how do i forgive the terrible things that are happening now with the family crap?  I just want to have a normal family dynamic not a soap-opera family dynamic!  How do i forgive and move on when the same thing keeps happening over and over?  I have been told you just have to forgive, so i do then the same thing is done again and again.  Like salt being rubbed into a nasty raw sore! It hurts down deep.  I so want to heal and be done with this crap in my life.  Well i feel I am just rambling today. So time to end this post.