new thinking....

I know that I need to change my way of thinking, but did not think it would be so hard.  As I read and reread 1000 gifts and also battlefield of the mind, it is so clear that I need to change the way I view everything.  I need to have God's eyes.  I get so frustrated with people and I wear that on my sleeve so it is obvious.  I get angry with myself and in turn tell myself horrible things.  I find that I am catching myself now, but I am still thinking it and telling myself bad things in my head.  I may not be verbalizing it but it is still there.  I am trying to focus on Philippians 4:6-8 that says "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Sounds easy right?  Not so when your way of thinking has been messed up for a good many years.  I can find negative in a snap of a finger but to find good is very hard for me.  I feel guilty if I do something for myself or feel that I deserve something, because the next thought is I am worthless and no good and will never be worth anything.  This is just a little bit of what I am dealing with.  When you have been told that for years and then there is an enemy in this world called the devil that does his best to throw more crap at you to keep that thought pattern strong, it is hard to break.  I struggle with silly things maybe to some but to me it is huge.  I struggle with hugs, with "I love you", with compliments, etc.  I feel I have to earn any and all things.  That includes the love of my family, the good job or whatever it is.  If I have not physically earned it than I do not deserve it.  I am struggling with my weight loss because I want to get down to a healthy weight so I can do more, but then I have the little demon saying you cant do it, you dont deserve it.  It is amazing how wrong thinking affects every area of your life.  So this is what I am focusing on.  Right thinking. I am a daughter of the King and I do deserve what God has planned for me.  I need to find the blessings and good things all around me and in me.  It is getting easier to find it around me but not so much in me.  As I think on the good and focus on God and His word that will come in time.  This with some counseling will get me to focus on God and not my pitiful way of thinking.  God has good plans for me, not to hurt me, but to prosper me in Him.  As I walk this journey it will be interesting and hard and very rewarding.  I hope I am strong enough to walk this all the way through.  With God all things are possible! God bless everyone!