Longing....

Today is the 28th day of November with only two more days of this month where has time gone?  I know I have heard it said all my life as you get older the time seems to go faster, but not sure that is all there is to this saying.  I truly feel like time is flying by faster and faster each minute of the day.  Not so sure that is because I am getting older.  I believe our time on this earth is coming to and end faster than we realize or want to admit.  God is coming for his bride very soon!  Am I ready?  I want to say yes but I have wasted a lot of years trying to please people and not so much trying to please God.  I need to get things fixed in my heart so I can be ready and even longing for the day God returns to get His bride.  I have tried so hard to please my parents, friends etc., and in the process I have lost my family.  I have two living parents that I no longer have any contact with so in a sense it is as if they are dead and gone.  I truly believe it would be better if that was the case because there would be finality.  So all this time of striving to be who I thought they wanted me to be and to only be told that I am not good enough and never will be is a hard lesson to swallow.  The interesting but hard truth is, that is true!  Only God is perfect and can do all things.  I cannot and will never be able this side of heaven.  Just when I strive to make everyone happy but fail and do not turn to God for the help that I need to live my daily life is when I set myself up for hurt and failure!  If instead I had been striving to do what God wanted of me and lean on Him for the help I needed to accomplish whatever I set my hands to I would not be in the mess I am in now.  I may still not have a family to talk to but I would not be hurting so much deep inside, I believe.  I would know that my worth does not depend on what other people feel, say or think about me!  I know this in my head but to get that bedded deep in my heart is another thing.  I am striving to get there now.  As I can see the time that I wasted trying to please man now I strive to please my heavenly father.  I know I will still mess things up but I also know that my heavenly father will not stand back and point a finger and say "see what you did?".  He will come beside me and show me what I did wrong and how to do it right.  He will not accuse me but will help me!  I longed for this as a child and still do to this very day!  I was just looking in the wrong place!  I knew all along where to go but so wanted the approval of my parents that I left God out of the equation. So now I will get my approval from God and pray that I am a light to those around me.  I pray that I will not fall back into the old pattern of thinking and will continue to strive to get to know my heavenly father more and more each day and each minute of every day.  As I strive to do this I will long for the day He comes for His bride.  I will have my lamp ready to go with a reserve of oil as it is written in Matthew 25:1-13 "At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise.  The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.  The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.  The bridegroom was a long time in coming and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.  At midnight the cry rang out: Here's the bridegroom come out to meet him!  Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps.  The foolish ones said to the wise, give us some of your oil, our lamps are going out. No they replied, there may not be enough for both us and you.  Instead , go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.  But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived.  The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet and the door was shut.  Later the others also came.  Sir sir  they said, open the door for us!  But he replied, I tell you the truth I do not know you.  Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."  I am keeping watch now and will have my reserve of oil as well.  I want to be known by God.  How about you?  Are you ready?  God bless!